I'm Under This Blanket. A book of 400-ish text artworks. Paper back. First edition 200 copies only, signed and numbered with hand embellished illustrations.

Pseudoliterary poshlost, bad jokes, irritating puns, oversharing, lies, and poor advice.

Appearance may vary, a bit. Published 2016.

Excerpts:

1. You know you’re a porn addict when you see the letters ATM and Automatic Teller Machine isn’t your first thought.

6. My body often confuses being lonely with missing someone I don’t want to be with.

20. We’ve got what we’ve got. But we also carry what we don’t have.

25. Ignore feelings. They’re an unreliable measure of actual happiness.

31. My knuckle hair darkens and thickens with age. What’s evolution’s purpose there? Why will I need thick knuckle hair when I’m old?

39. Never compliment anyone on their looks; they didn’t do anything. Compliment their parents if you must. Unless they’ve had plastic surgery, then you can compliment them on their taste in noses, tits or whatever they’ve selected to change.

51. Men like putting their dicks in things. And we’re far more curious than particular. That’s how vacuum cleaners get fucked.

327. Special, spacial, facial, facile.

329. Like the substitute teacher at the end of term says: ‘Just do a quiet activity until the bell’.

354. See you tomorrow, fuck face.

374. There isn’t a far enough place on the planet to escape where you’re from.

380. I love idioms. Culturally and linguistically specific, they’re the best thing since sliced bread.

396. I couldn’t think of one for here, so I thought if you want, you can just imagine what you like in this space.